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20 Parenting behaviours that need to stop

2020-01-27

Most of us believe that parenting is just a natural thing and we all know how we have to react in a situation based on our thoughts.

However, this is not the case. Like all the other skills, parenting is also an art that one has to master and there is some definite rule that one has to follow.

Similarly, there are some mistakes that many parents commit, which has to eliminate for better parenting.

In this article, we have compiled a list of 20 parenting behaviors that need to stop if you want your kid to be a smart, intelligent, patient one.

So, here we go….

1. Expecting too little

Expectations are tricky. Too high and kids can give up. Too low and kids will meet them. Pitch them at their own abilities and their developmental age.

2. Talking when annoyed

Speaking tends to be a default mechanism regardless of your emotional state. When you’re angry kids don’t listen. They pick up your venom but not your words. Choose the time and the place to speak to kids.

3. Proper recognition not given

It’s easy to take children’s good behavior and their contributions to the family for granted. The behaviors you focus on expand so catch kids doing the right thing.

4. Trying to take the easy way

It’s a quirk of modern life that as parents get busier with work and other things there is a tremendous temptation to avoid arguments by giving into kids. Hang in there when you know it’s the right thing to do.

5. Solving too many complications

It’s tempting to try to solve our children’s problems rather than leave some for them to solve. Forgotten school lunch is a child’s problem not a parent’s problem. Pose problems for kids rather than solve them.

6. Judging yourself

Parents are generally hard markers of themselves. Kids are more forgiving of their parents’ blunders than their parents.

7. Doing extra

Kids need to learn to defend themselves and stand on their own two feet. Independence is the aim of parents.

8. Letting kids drop out of the family

In small families, most children have their own bedroom, which means isolation is easy to achieve. Teenagers, in particular, tend to prefer their own company rather than the company of peers and parents. Put rituals in place and make sure everyone turns up to meal-time.

9. Improper use of communication processes

Establish communication processes and communication places well in advance of when you really need them. For example, if you are about to talk to your children about sexuality and relationships, what process do you use? Where will you hold that conversation?

10. Always trying to win arguments

The need to win arguments and prove that you are right harms relationships and creates fertile ground for conflict. Focus on the things that matter.

11. Playing favorites

Children usually know who’s the favored or preferred child in their family. Your discipline and expectations give this away. Share the parenting with others so you share the favoritism.

12. Confusing helping for responsibility

We all love it when our children help at home, but this shouldn’t be confused with taking responsibility. A child who gets himself up in the morning is learning to take responsibility. If you want a child to be responsible give him real responsibility.

13. Telling kids everything will be ok when they are anxious

It’s human nature to reassure your children when they are worried or anxious that everything will be ok. This, however, is not always true and also reassurance leads to dependence. Validate your child’s worries so that they feel understood. Kids need to hear “I get it” rather than “Get over it”.

14. Taking yourself too seriously

There is a lot of seriousness placed on parents’ behaviors and on modeling that can weigh you down and take the joy from being a parent. Take time to enjoy the little things in family life.

15. Parenting the individual

Small family parenting is almost always an individual endeavor. It’s worth remembering that sibling relationships (if children have siblings) can be just as influential as the parent-child relationship. It will almost certainly outlast the parent-child relationship. Lead the group, manage the child.

16. Neglecting your own wellbeing

Many families operate under a child-first mentality, which places a lot of pressure and stress on parents. We happily drive kids to their leisure activities at the expense of our own. Carve out some time for your own interests and leisure pursuits.

17. Believing your children too much

As loving parents, we want to trust our children and believe everything they tell us. Children are faulty observers and frequently only see one side of an issue. Help children process what happens to them and see issues from every side.

18. Giving feedback at the wrong time

Timing is everything when you give kids feedback. If you give negative feedback immediately after an event or action, you risk discouraging them. Use ‘just in time prompts’ to remind them how to do something. Pick your timing when you give feedback.

19. Refusal to express regret

Sometimes parents can work themselves into a tight corner after they’ve said something out of anger or desperation. One parent I know canceled Christmas out of desperation and refused to admit she was wrong. Sometimes you need to acknowledge your mistakes and start over again.

20. Clinging to the past

The ghosts from the past are strong indeed causing us to put some of our problems onto our children. The problems we may have experienced growing up won’t necessarily be shared by our children. Re-tune your parenting antennae to your child’s life and away from yours.

 

 

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